Some of the people around us have given us the above comments, in various forms.
"But oh, you can contribute much more to the society if you go back to work."
"Hey, are you sure you don't want your life back? Going back to work will help you maintain contact with the world."
"Don't you need the money? It will be financially better if you go back to work. Don't worry, you can always employ a maid, or even 2 maids to help you take care of the kid."
We understand they may have good intentions.. but they don't realise that we have choose to care for Charlene ourselves, to the best of our ability, at least for this 3 years. Until my no-pay-leave is up, when we will need to re-evaluate our plans.
The worst thing for us is we can sense that that underneath their comments, is their assumption that:-
"Why do you want to waste your time on something that will not yield any returns?"
Because Charlene is our child.
We cannot choose how our child was born like, but we can choose how best to care for her. There might come a time when financial situation force our hands... but for now, we choose to take care of her with me at home.
Just like other things in life, we cannot choose our parents and siblings. Our parents may grow old and feeble, our siblings might get into trouble, but as family, we choose to standby them if that happens. We choose not to evaluate our actions in purely practical terms... is there anything wrong with that?
We wonder whether this is a reflection of the nature of our society, the drive to succeed at all costs, and to put intangible things on the way-side. Do we choose to ignore the sick, feeble, disabled and the aged, because they cannot contribute anymore?
We pray that we will become a more inclusive society, able to accept the fact that the less fortunate are also deserving of our attention. (Note: Despite Charlene's medical condition, we do not view us as unfortunate, because we try our best to manage, and has manage through God's blessings).
To end off, just like to share a comment from a mother the online support group (who has 2 kids with seizures disorder):-
To make ourselves feel some what thankful (eg think of the glass half full or half empty case) we keep in the back of our minds some people are unable to have their own children and go through their lives childless and would give anything to have children – maybe even children like our MPEI kids
it just makes us think the glass is a little e bit full (has some drops in it) not nearly empty – it keeps us having thoughts that are positive not negative thoughts that are productive not destructive and that is how we have “played the hand we were dealt”
Indeed, we try to play our hands in a manner that we deem best. Please don't compound matters with discouraging comments.
"We cannot choose how our child was born like, but we can choose how best to care for her." "We choose not to evaluate our actions in purely practical terms... is there anything wrong with that?" "We pray that we will become a more inclusive society, able to accept the fact that the less fortunate are also deserving of our attention. (Note: Despite Charlene's medical condition, we do not view us as unfortunate, because we try our best to manage, and has manage through God's blessings)."
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing with us your courage and love, Ali and Dez--it made me reflect on what are the choices I have made in life so far. Jiayou as you continue to play to your best, with your mind and body and heart and soul, the hand that has been dealt to you.