Thursday, December 31, 2009

31 Dec 09

31 Dec 09
The doctor came and told us that Charlene almost choked to death again last night (30 Dec). This time, they had to give her oxygen bag and conducted CPR on her. Dez and I are really shocked. We thought her reflux condition was getting better. The doctors encouraged us to proceed with the “button” operation as it can greatly reduce the chance of choking due to reflux. But the op would require her to be put under general anesthesia and be hooked on the respirator and the doctors were not sure that she can breathe by herself after the op.

The other option was not to do anything and hope that the reflux would go away and the choking incident would not happen again.

Dez and I are worried. We are unsure of which options to take.

I casually told Dez that if Charlene choked again for the 3rd time, she might not survive. During our honeymoon, Dez lost things twice and managed to retrieve them but the third time it happened, it was gone.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

27 Dec 09


27 Dec 09
Today is the second month of Charlene’s birth. Thinking back, Charlene’s condition and recovery is a miracle unfolding in front of our eyes. Just 2 months back, we felt hopeless about the prognosis. We were prepared that Charlene would wither and die before our eyes, without us ever hugging her, without hearing her cries, without seeing her smiles.

But God has shown his mercy on Charlene and we praised the Lord for all He has done for Charlene!

We have carried and cradled Charlene, sang song to her, changed her diapers, heard her loud cries, stared at her cute pouts, seen her wonderful (and rare) smiles. Regardless of God’s plans for Charlene, regardless of how she would turn out to be, it’s a few thousand times better than the bleak future painted by the doctors. The docs have told us to be mentally prepared that Charlene could become a vegetable. With God’s grace, the doc’s prognosis was proven wrong! Praise the Lord!



Friday, December 25, 2009

25 Dec 09

25 Dec 09
I was worried about being the primary caregiver. Do I have the ability to take care of Charlene? Then I questioned why Charlene was born this way. We don’t know God’s will. But God definitely has his reasons.

One thing we are certain is that if Charlene has been born normal, we could be filing for divorce or I could be in depression now. Even before Charlene was born, we have disagreements over grandparents’ intervention. I keep thinking that I would not have a say and control over my own child (his mum was so confident of taking care of Charlene herself and was unhappy with us wanting to hire confinement lady and would not hear of me taking No-Pay Leave and his dad on the other hand would sure be inculcating Buddhist values and teachings and chanting while carrying the baby). Dez tried several times to convince me that we have the control and was feeling terrible cos he was stuck in between.

But with the birth of Charlene and her condition, Dez received God’s grace and peace in his despair (refer to 29 Oct post) and accepted Christ into his life. This was important as Christ is now in control of our lives, our marriage and our family. And the timing was precise cos the next day, my side of the family ordered him to follow the medium’s instructions. If Dez was still a pre-believer, he would be tempted to follow the medium’s instructions.

Also, the timing of Ah Sang’s visit (refer to 4 Nov post) was just nice. We were feeling despaired and hopeless after the doctors’ conference and Ah Sang’s testimonial gave us support to our faith.

The timing of all the events (leading to Dez’s conversion, our never-give-up on Charlene, to Charlene’s slow but steady recovery, to the defying of doctors’ expectations) are immaculate. Everything was just right and everything was necessary for things to happen.

This realization of all the events made us understand that everything is according to God’s plan. The sequence of events was uncanningly scriptlike; who but the Lord could plan this for us?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

17 Dec 09


17 Dec 09
We were feeding Charlene halfway when she regurgitated a little milk followed by super-frown. What followed next was terrifying. Her heart rate plunged, oxygen in blood plunged to single digit till the machine couldn’t pick up. Charlene’s face turned blue and was not responding when I called her. It was scary as both of us watch in helplessness. But never once did I think she’ll die.
The nurse called (over the PA system) for help. As the NICU nurses are nearby, they dashed over. When one nurse heard Dez say Charlene choke (cos milk was coming out of her nose), she placed Charlene face down and pat her back real hard. They also gave her oxygen and suction the milk out of her body. By the time the doctors and more nurses came dashing in, Charlene was back to life. (Thank God for raising Charlene from the dead). I heard her cry a little. The whole episode probably lasted for 2 mins though it felt like eternity to us.    
The doctor on call explained that it was most likely the gastro-oesophageal reflux that caused it and they will give Charlene more medication.
Though Dez and I are shocked by the whole event (doctors termed it as acute life-threatening episodes or ALTE), we are glad that this did not happen at home or Charlene would have been dead.  

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

15 Dec 09

15 Dec 09
Dr Tan said that the Amiel-Tison Neurological Assessment results show mild to moderate damage to Charlene’s brain which is far better than expected. Dez was pleasantly surprised as he thought that Charlene might qualify for moderate to severe condition.
However, Charlene’s head circumference is not growing and this is a concern as it could mean that neurons are not forming.
Dr Tan also said that Charlene probably has problem with suck & swallow co-ordination and might be on feeding tube for long time.
She also said that the doctors thought that Charlene will choke and die when taken off the respirator but she did not.

Monday, December 14, 2009

14 Dec 09

14 Dec 09
Charlene did the super-frown again (this time only the heart rate plunges; medically this is term bradycardia). Doctors think that most likely it is gastro-oesophageal reflux (heart-burn). This is common for babies especially premature babies as the muscular valve between the oesophageous and stomach is not well developed yet. So the food doesn’t go straight into stomach but could come back up causing regurgitation, vomiting, choking etc.
It is most likely not seizures as the one and only medication that Charlene is taking has kept her seizures under control.

Friday, December 11, 2009

11 Dec 09

11 Dec 09
Charlene was shifted out of NICU to SCN and referral was made to the Home Team. Just as I was hopeful that Charlene can go home soon, something happened. Charlene’s face became convoluted, her lips were turning blue, her heart rate and oxygen in blood were plunging rapidly (Dez termed it the super-frown). Charlene was drained from the event as she looked dazed and stared into blank space after that. Doctors do not know the cause. They suspect could be cos Charlene is overstimulated and not ready for bottle feeding OR seizures attack OR possible infections.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

10 Dec 09

10 Dec 09
Charlene is on 2 hourly feed. Today, I changed her diaper for the first time. The doctors did Amiel-Tison Neurological Assessment on Charlene. The medical officer said that Charlene did ok (she didn’t give details).

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

9 Dec 09

9 Dec 09
I was depressed and worried about my milk supply which was of small amount. Dez asked me to call lactation consultant and even prayed for me. What happened next was amazing. I called the operator to get the lactation consultant to call me. She called but I didn’t hear it cos I was in the MRT. So I was surprised when Sister (Nurse Manager) came to look for me. (The lactation consultant traced all the way to NICU). Sister checked my breasts and said that they are good – no lumps and nipples are good. She helped to get the doctor to prescribe medication for me to increase supply. The lactation consultant called and told me not to give up and to carry on.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

8 Dec 09

8 Dec 09
Charlene took the hearing test in the morning and it was good!

Monday, December 7, 2009

7 Dec 09

7 Dec 09
Charlene had her eyes checked today and they are not of concern.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

5 Dec 09

5 Dec 09
We carried Charlene for the first time today. Also, Charlene has always been on continuous feeding (syringe pumping milk into her continuously) but today they switched to hourly feeding. When I sing “Jesus loves me” to Charlene, she smiled 3 times and we are so glad we had it on video (the nurses said her smile is expensive, very hard to see her smile).

Friday, December 4, 2009

4 Dec 09

4 Dec 09
Charlene was taken off the respirator and she was able to breathe on her own! She was obviously happy to be rid of the respiratory tube. She celebrated by crying out loud, so loud that the other end of the room can hear her.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

3 Dec 09

3 Dec 09
I was very worried that Charlene can’t breathe on her own. After I prayed to God, I was reminded of how God kept Daniel safe in the lions’ den and blessed Job doubly (after he had suffered a little while) cos they believe in HIM.
When I saw Charlene, she is full of life and moving rigorously and suddenly I felt that she will be able to breathe and live on. Dr Said came and asked for our decision. After I told him our decision, Dr Said said that he has a feeling that Charlene will be fine.
In the evening when Dez visited Charlene, the nurse on duty (whom he felt disliked him) and Dr Hew gave him similar comments that Charlene will be able to breathe on her own. It was very surprising especially when Dr Hew is always so non committal in his answers. The fact that 2 doctors and a nurse said this without us asking are signs that God gave us.

Dez and I both observed that Charlene doesn’t seem to react when we move our fingers and are concerned that she might not be able to see things. But this is a minor thing compared to the worst scenario painted. We will just wait patiently upon the LORD.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

2 Dec 09

2 Dec 09
Head of Neonatalogy spoke to us and reiterated Charlene’s poor prognosis. He said that Charlene most likely cannot walk and may not recognize parents cos her brain is severely damaged. The plan is to take Charlene off the respirator. However, we needed to decide – if Charlene cannot breathe on her own, do we leave her in comfort care (to make her comfy and let nature take its course ) or put her back on the respirator (aggressively trying to save her). The doctors recommend that based on her poor prognosis, if she cannot breathe on her own, it is better to leave her in comfort care. I did not know which decision to take but Dez was confident that Charlene can breathe on her own and the decision is irrelevant. Anyway, cos I was worried if Charlene can breathe on her own, we prayed to God for signs.