I am the Child (poem)

I AM THE CHILD                                                                                                               (Author Unknown)
I am the child who cannot talk.
You often pity me, I see it in your eyes.
You wonder how much I am aware of -- I see that as well.
I am aware of much, whether you are happy or sad or fearful,
patient or impatient, full of love and desire,
or if you are just doing your duty by me.
I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater,
for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.

You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times.
I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated.
I do not give you answers to your everyday questions,
responses over my well-being, sharing my needs,
or comments about the world about me.

I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards -- great strides in
development that you can credit yourself;
  I do not give you understanding as you know it.
What I give you is so much more valuable -- I give you instead opportunities.
Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine;
the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, your abilities;
the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible.
I drive you further than you would ever go on your own, working harder,
seeking answers to your many questions with no answers.
I am the child who cannot talk.

I am the child who cannot walk.
The world seems to pass me by.
You see the longing in my eyes to get out of this chair, to run and play like other children.
There is much you take for granted.
I want the toys on the shelf, I need to go to the bathroom, oh I've dropped my fork again.
I am dependent on you in these ways.
My gift to you is to make you more aware of your great fortune,
your healthy back and legs, your ability to do for yourself.
Sometimes people appear not to notice me; I always notice them.
I feel not so much envy as desire, desire to stand upright,
to put one foot in front of the other, to be independent.
I give you awareness.
I am the child who cannot walk.

I am the child who is mentally impaired.
I don't learn easily, if you judge me by the world's measuring stick,
what I do know is infinite joy in simple things.
I am not burdened as you are with the strife's and conflicts of a more complicated life.
My gift to you is to grant you the freedom to enjoy things as a child,
to teach you how much your arms around me mean, to give you love.
I give you the gift of simplicity.
I am the child who is mentally impaired.

I am the disabled child.
I am your teacher. If you allow me,
I will teach you what is really important in life.
I will give you and teach you unconditional love.
I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you.
I teach you about how precious this life is and about not taking things for granted.
I teach you about forgetting your own needs and desires and dreams.
I teach you giving.
Most of all I teach you hope and faith.
I am the disabled child. 

What do we expect out of your children? (dez)

What do you expect out of your children?

Fame, success, wealth, health?

For me, this story represents what I hope children will have.

Integrity, honesty, honor and love (for others).

What's worse?

I saw this on Facebook. Couldn't agree more.

Choosing Joy

"Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. " - Nehemiah 8:10

From the devotional "The Upper Room", 23 Aug 13:- Choosing joy over giving in to despair mean finding delight in knowing God.This relationship gives me the strength to face my future. [B] My grief changed to celebration of how abundantly God provides for me, so abundantly that I can share with others who need helps too. [/B] (emphasis added).

The Longing (Dez)

I been reading a book about C.S Lewis, arguably one of the greatest and most influential Christian apologetic and philosopher of the twentieth century.

Below is the excerpt from a book which Lewis loved, "The Wind in the Willows".

'It's gone!' sighed the Rat, sinking back in his seat again. 'So beautiful and strange and new! Since it was to end so soon, I almost wish I never had it. For it has roused a longing in me that is pain, and nothing seems worth while but just to hear that sound once more and go on listening to it forever.'

Sometimes, that kind of emotion wells up in me as I thought about Charlene. The longing for the lost child, the lost parenthood, the lost dreams, the lost hope... and the accompanying intense pain make it seems that "I almost wish I never had it."

But me and Charlene's mummy do not believe in that, we know that that is our fickle mood trying to rationalise our pain away. Charlene is an important part of our lives. We cannot tear the memory and experience of her away from our fabric of selves; we will no longer be the same.

C.S. Lewis wrote:

"Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing (Christianity) looks very improbable; but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable... unless you teach your moods 'where to get off', you can never be a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion."

"When we exhort people to Faith as a virtue, to the settled intention of continuing to believe certain thigns, we are not exhorting them to fight against reason... If we wish to be rational, not now and then, but constantly, we must pray for the gift of Faith, for the power to go on believing not in the teeth of reason, but in the teeth of lust and terror and jealousy and boredom and indifference that which reason, authority, or experience, or all three, have once delivered to us for truth."

Indeed, the Longing (with a captial L) for God's word is the protection for me and Charlene's mummy's fickle mood. The pain is real... no doubt about the pain which all parents feel about the loss of a child. But we hold on to God's word, that He loves little children, and He has good plans to all who loved Him.

I pray that our Longing of our loving God be stronger than our longing for our lost children.

The Trauma of Being Alive

Thank you Teacher Ivane for pointing me to this article titled "The Trauma of Being Alive" published in the New York Times.

Some of the opinions expressed by the author resonated with mine.

"Grief needs to be talked about. When it is held too privately it tends to eat away at its own support."
I agree and am grateful to God that I have my husband to talk to though sometimes I also worry if my sadness will affect him. Sometimes I wonder if I should share deeply with friends because I do not know whether they can handle it. 

“Trauma never goes away completely,” “It changes perhaps, softens some with time, but never completely goes away. What makes you think you should be completely over it? 
Totally agree. I don't think I will ever forget Charlene or stop missing her. I still think of her very often. Sometimes I feel really sad that she is no longer around. But other times, I would recall fondly the times I had with my cheeky and happy Charlene.

In resisting trauma and in defending ourselves from feeling its full impact, we deprive ourselves of its truth. As a therapist, I can testify to how difficult it can be to acknowledge one’s distress and to admit one’s vulnerability. My mother’s knee-jerk reaction, “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?” is very common. There is a rush to normal in many of us that closes us off, not only to the depth of our own suffering but also, as a consequence, to the suffering of others. 

Indeed, many of us do not know how to handle grief and also to show concern and support to those around us who are grieving. Even I can go into my auto mode of wanting to sms "how are you?" which is a rhetorical question.

Thus, I really appreciate many who are keeping us in prayers and have us in your thoughts.

Mourning, however, has no timetable. Grief is not the same for everyone. And it does not always go away. The closest one can find to a consensus about it among today’s therapists is the conviction that the healthiest way to deal with trauma is to lean into it, rather than try to keep it at bay. The reflexive rush to normal is counterproductive. In the attempt to fit in, to be normal, the traumatized person (and this is most of us) feels estranged.

What we have learnt is that the pain of losing a loved one never really goes away... The individual really requires constant support from people. Often, these "people" cannot be just a single source, but it should come from various groups, be it families, friends or church friends. For Christians, the most important source of support is Jesus Christ, who have went through the human conditions and knows how we feel.

The willingness to face traumas — be they large, small, primitive or fresh — is the key to healing from them. They may never disappear in the way we think they should, but maybe they don’t need to. Trauma is an ineradicable aspect of life. We are human as a result of it, not in spite of it.

Life. Growing Old. Sickness. Death. They are part of life. Hence, so is trauma. However, for us who believes in Jesus, we have hope that Charlene, Dez and I can spend our eternal lives together with Jesus in heaven, without sickness and death. 

Indeed, this is an important source of comfort for us Christians. That all the pain and suffering we have encountered on earth is for a greater purpose, and that heaven will be our final destination.

Social Enterprise (Dez)

In my previous post, I mentioned about creating a social enterprise for special needs kids.

Today, a special needs child mum alerted us to a Straits Time article which mentioned about a social enterprise doing something similar.

Adrenalin Group of Social Enterprises is an event company that conducts a mix of corporate events, award ceremonies and family day activities. The company employs and trains those who are physically challenged, such as wheelchair users, hearing impaired as well as youths at risk.

Mr Richardo Chua, the co-founder of the company describes the company system where "the team works on a 'buddy' system where someone with special needs is guided by one who doesn't have special needs". They also train all their staffs on sign language, so they can communicate with the hearing impaired.

Adrenalin has recently conducted some high-profile functions, such as Shell's 120th anniversary dinner and dance, as well as 2012 President's Challenge.

The company turnover crossed over one million last year.

Mr Richardo often reminds his staff that, "you should see yourself as a qualified photographer or graphic designer, not a disabled one.
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Reading the success of the company gives me hope that it is definitely possible to make a social enterprise employing special needs/ disabled people successful.

The challenge is finding the right type of work for special needs kids with lower cognitive function.

The special needs mum suggested this "If a social entrepreneur can bring together all simple repetitive steps work (e.g. packing etc), they are very accurate can be employed at low(er) wage cost".

It sounds like a good idea... unfortunately, me and my wife are clueless in business :( With absolutely no experience in doing business, it is definitely not possible to make it successful.

I pray that God will help us to gather a group of people to build up such a social enterprise for special-needs kids.