It has been a while since we last posted. We have been very busy this month and a half.
My wife has been busy with tail end of work before holiday, cleaning the house and squeezing in a short trip with her best friend (thanks so much for takin care of her! I know I can trust you :D)
I have been busy in my new work place. Because it's the year end, there has been lotsa social functions, which I have been attending pretty much on a weekly basis.
On top of that, we hosted 2 youths from an overseas exchange program. While it was only a 2 night stay, me and my wife spend about a week researching the itinerary, typing it out and doing our recce. The 2 male youths were from Philippines and Vietnam... maybe because they are guys, so they don't really know how to express themselves; there was a lack of connection. But I am glad we stayed for the ribbon farewell ceremony, as it is really quite a spectacle. Thank God that the weather clear and we were able to participate in the ribbon farewell ceremony.
I have also started some preparation for the social outreach ministry for my church. Me and my wife have also signed up for caroling practice.
In short, we have been very busy.
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It's been slightly more than 6 months since Charlene return to heaven.
Some people may think it is long enough for us to recover from our grief... I would certainly think so myself 4 years ago, thinking that it would take about half a year for someone to get back to normalcy after grieving process.
Outwardly it seems that all is well for us.
But our inner emotions stir at times.
And our tears will roll down uncontrollably.
I was singing 突然好想你 May Day in KTV, and the wave of emotions hit me...hard. I just cried and sobbed in front of my wife. Luckily it was only her; I would have scared all my friends if my other friends were around.
Will we ever "get over" it? I think that is such a poor phrase to use for grieving... I don't want to "get over" it, as if I'm throwing away an old piece of furniture.
Instead I want to change my world perspective, change my behavior, change my life... Because I want Charlene's life to be meaningful, and hence I want her life to, at the very least, make an impact in *my* life.
Sometimes I forget, and revert back to the old way of doing things. It's a constant struggle. But I can rely on the Holy Spirit to strengthen me. It's a strong, concrete experience. Because I was busy I stopped reading the bible and prayed minimally. But when I forced myself to resume the habits, God strengthen me... Praise be to God!
I am not sure how many of you are still reading it, and I don't blame you....It has been such a long time since we updated the blog. But I promised myself that the blog is not written solely for others... It's also written for ourselves, that we can write down our thoughts and feelings regarding about Charlene's life. And I would keep it that way, for as long as I could.
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What is the meaning of life?
This existential question keeps popping up in my head.
And my answer now is still the same one as I spoke about on the last eulogy for Charlene's funeral.
Through Heaven's eyes.
My faith in God, my trust in God, is something that sustains me during the period of grieving. The belief that God has use Charlene mightily for His plans, and will use me and my wife mightily for His plans gives me a firm foundation to lead my life after Charlene's passing. I trust that her life has not been lived in vain. Because God has guided her life in the way He plans it.
