Guilt

I have peace and the reassurance from God with regards to our decision in the hospital.

As the main caregiver and as Charlene's mummy, I can't help but think that "If only I have done xxx...", and the sense of guilt will overcome me.

Guilty over sitting on her reflux problem and not managing it earlier.

Guilty over taking away potassium bromide and causing Charlene to cry so much in the last few months of her life.

However, the God we believe in is a mighty and sovereign God. My carelessness and wrong decisions cannot take Charlene away if it is not in accordance to His plan and His time.

Of course I am sure during days when I feel down, I might start asking God why. Why now? Charlene has improved so much in her muscle control...she can swallow better and sit up by herself and hold her head up.... her crying is starting to be reduced.... we have just employ a helper to give us more manpower.

There is no point in asking why. We believe that God is good. We believe that He knows what He is doing. One day, when the whole puzzle is completed then we will understand.