Marriage = commitment

Extracts from the book "The Sacred Search" 

"The friendship that results from facing all seasons of life together, praying together, raising kids together, serving the Lord together, having fun, having sex, suffering heartaches and heartbreaks, overcoming setbacks and learning to deal with disappointments, growing together through all of them, creates a bond that no initial sexual attraction or romantic infatuation 

could ever hope to match."

"...within marriage, love is not an emotion; it's a policy and a commitment that we choose to keep in the harshest of circumstances. It's something that can be learned and we can grow in" (emphasis added)

Dez and I could identify with the above written statements in our own marriage. Like a lot of people, we thought we will live happily ever after, have children and watch our children go to school, get married and have grandchildren.

The first sign of a potential problem came when I was still pregnant with Charlene. We have differences in our views of raising children. I wanted to bring my child up with Christian teachings and I was concerned that my child will be infused with other religion's teachings instead. Dez insisted that it will be okay. He will send Charlene to church and all, but also allowed her to be exposed to other religions... It's his "democratic" way of dealing with such issues, so that the the child can choose for herself.

Charlene's birth was unexpected (emergency C-section) and her congenital condition and poor prognosis were more than we can handled. And in Dez's despair, he sought prayers from a Christian... and he experienced peace admist the storm. After his experience in Jesus, he made a leap of faith... not to seek healing for Charlene, but because Jesus is a living God.

From that point on, we prayed together, raised Charlene together and served the Lord together.

Because of Charlene's condition, we suffered many heartaches and heartbreaks. Not only are we unable to  see the typical developmental milestones for a baby, we also felt deserted by some people who could not accept Charlene as a special-need kid. They could not empathize with our decision of giving our best to a child who has no earthly hope for the future. And seeing Charlene struggle through her affliction was painful too. However, together with Charlene, we have also overcame many setbacks (Charlene surpassed the expectations of her doctors, she recognized the voices of familiar people, she smiled, she raised her head, she sat by herself etc). We also learnt to deal with disappointments.

In fact, I could have gone back to work after my maternity leave by hiring a maid and leaving Charlene to my in-laws and the maid. But the two of us were adamant to give Charlene the best we could because we knew her life on earth will be short. The accusations and insults we faced from others due to opinion differences (in caring for a child with no earthly hope vs pursuing our own individual happiness and staying faithful to Jesus vs seeking help from other religions) made our marriage even stronger as we stood by each other.

So indeed, love is a commitment that we choose to keep in the harshest of circumstances.