Bittersweet

14th May 2017
It is Mothers' Day today.
It is also the 4th death anniversary of Charlene. She has been gone longer than she was alive.

I was only her mother for 3.5 years. Because she was special, I love her more. Because of the grace of God, I could love her unconditionally. I was proud of my strong little beauty of every thing that she could do. The impact she made on people made me so proud as her mother.

Because of Charlene, I became a mother I never knew I could be.

To all my friends with special needs children, Happy Mothers' Day!

365 days later - Dez

Tomorrow is Charlene's first death anniversary.

Memories

My wife and I missed her. Her cheeky smiles, her warmth while we carried her, her complaints as we made her do exercise...

Sometimes we are reminded of her when we are around the places we had brought her. Sometimes we are reminded of her when we see other kids. Sometimes, the memories of her just hit us out of nowhere.

When we remembered her, sometimes we laugh at the things we have done with her. Sometimes, our tears flowed freely. Sometimes, we blame ourselves for not taking better care of her.

We have learnt that those emotions accompanying her memories... are part of our memory of Charlene. I learnt not to deny those emotions.

As long as we can live a functional life, even having those emotions sometimes are okay.

My fear is that there will come a day when my emotions are dulled so much that I forget her. It's such a fine balance... being able to control these emotions without it affecting our lives too much. And also not letting our current lives washing away the memories away.

Apologies

To those who have followed the blog (and is still reading this), my apologies for the lack of updates.

I noticed that there was a trend for me to keep thinking about the past events with Charlene. I am worried that if I write about the past events, it paints the impression that we are constantly looking back.

We have moved forward in our lives. Not that we have moved away from Charlene... but that Charlene has become part of our lives. She has changed us in how we see things, respond to people, and how we view life.

I cannot promise that I will still be able to update the blog frequently. But I can promise that the blog will be a place for us to write and for you to read about our thoughts and feelings on Charlene or on things related to Charlene.

Memorial

I brought my parents to Mandai columbarium this morning. My mother bought a sunflower and we placed it at the niche.

I think the sunflower is an appropriate representation of Charlene's life. Her smile reminds me of the sunflower... bright, infectious and sunny.

Around noon, my wife and I went with Aud & Milie to the niche. We are appreciative of their effort to come down.

365 days

My wife and I had been mainly busy with work and church activities in the past year. We have also tried our best to maintain contact with the friends in the special needs children network.

Without Charlene, life may be more simple... but without her, life is also more dull.

But we have received signs that Charlene is in heaven and we believe that she's in a better place. Her parents who is still on earth will need to do God's work, and we will do our little angel proud.

3.5 years

During a sermon, I noted that Jesus's earthly ministry was 3.5 years.

Charlene's life was also 3.5 years.

I prayed that her impact on the people around her, could spur others to be a blessing to more people. Much like what Jesus instructed his disciples to do.

It was the best decision ever

It was the best decision ever to be a stay at-home mum to take care of Charlene.

Recently at work, I have been teaching about how rational human beings make decisions by weighing benefits and costs.

4 years ago, I made the decision to take no-pay leave to care for Charlene. My mum, my aunts and my ex-colleagues could not comprehend my actions. To them, I am irrational and have not made the right decision. Because I gave up on my job (and thus my salary) to take care of a special child (who in their opinion do not have a future). They think that the most obvious solution is to hire a maid to care for Charlene so that we do not have to grapple with finances and I do not have to be burdened with caring for Charlene.

Indeed, it was tough caring for Charlene. But the benefits cannot be easily measured in monetary value. The joy of seeing Charlene achieve every little thing; smile, kick, hold her head etc etc.... and also the things she has taught me are invaluable.

Sometimes, when I don't know whether what I am doing makes any difference to this world now, I miss Charlene so badly.

I know I have made a difference to her life and she has made a difference to my life and many other people's lives!

I am so glad that I made the best decision ever. To have cared for Charlene for that 3.5 years was something I have never regretted. I wish I could still have her but as much as I miss her, I know that my little angel Charlene is happily with Jesus in heaven.  

Time heals... does it? (Dez)

It has been a while since we last posted. We have been very busy this month and a half.

My wife has been busy with tail end of work before holiday, cleaning the house and squeezing in a short trip with her best friend (thanks so much for takin care of her! I know I can trust you :D)

I have been busy in my new work place. Because it's the year end, there has been lotsa social functions, which I have been attending pretty much on a weekly basis.

On top of that, we hosted 2 youths from an overseas exchange program. While it was only a 2 night stay, me and my wife spend about a week researching the itinerary, typing it out and doing our recce. The 2 male youths were from Philippines and Vietnam... maybe because they are guys, so they don't really know how to express themselves; there was a lack of connection. But I am glad we stayed for the ribbon farewell ceremony, as it is really quite a spectacle. Thank God that the weather clear and we were able to participate in the ribbon farewell ceremony.

I have also started some preparation for the social outreach ministry for my church. Me and my wife have also signed up for caroling practice.

In short, we have been very busy.
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It's been slightly more than 6 months since Charlene return to heaven.

Some people may think it is long enough for us to recover from our grief... I would certainly think so myself 4 years ago, thinking that it would take about half a year for someone to get back to normalcy after grieving process.

Outwardly it seems that all is well for us.

But our inner emotions stir at times.

And our tears will roll down uncontrollably.

I was singing 突然好想你 May Day in KTV, and the wave of emotions hit me...hard. I just cried and sobbed in front of my wife. Luckily it was only her; I would have scared all my friends if my other friends were around.

Will we ever "get over" it? I think that is such a poor phrase to use for grieving... I don't want to "get over" it, as if I'm throwing away an old piece of furniture.

Instead I want to change my world perspective, change my behavior, change my life... Because I want Charlene's life to be meaningful, and hence I want her life to, at the very least, make an impact in *my* life.

Sometimes I forget, and revert back to the old way of doing things. It's a constant struggle. But I can rely on the Holy Spirit to strengthen me. It's a strong, concrete experience. Because I was busy I stopped reading the bible and prayed minimally. But when I forced myself to resume the habits, God strengthen me... Praise be to God!

I am not sure how many of you are still reading it, and I don't blame you....It has been such a long time since we updated the blog. But I promised myself that the blog is not written solely for others... It's also written for ourselves, that we can write down our thoughts and feelings regarding about Charlene's life. And I would keep it that way, for as long as I could.
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What is the meaning of life?

This existential question keeps popping up in my head.

And my answer now is still the same one as I spoke about on the last eulogy for Charlene's funeral.

Through Heaven's eyes.

My faith in God, my trust in God, is something that sustains me during the period of grieving. The belief that God has use Charlene mightily for His plans, and will use me and my wife mightily for His plans gives me a firm foundation to lead my life after Charlene's passing. I trust that her life has not been lived in vain. Because God has guided her life in the way He plans it.

Bold Faith (Dez)

The Upper Room, 18 Oct

"Faith is not for the faint-hearted. We are asked to take a journey, without necessarily knowing where we are going or what might be coming toward us. We are not given a map; rather, we are asked to trust that we are going someplace good. "
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It can be difficult to lead our earthly lives with so much uncertainty. People die, circumstances change, plans go haywire. Fortunately for us Christians, we have our eternal Lord to rely on. And having experienced Him, through Charlene, in various manners, we can be certain of His love and faithfulness.

Proverbs 3:5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

Five loaves and two fishes (Dez)

Me and my wife separately read the same passage of the Upper Room on the same day. Coincidentally, the article was written by a Singaporean.

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From the Upper Room, 10 Oct entry, written by Julie Sim

"We come as we are, sometimes lost, sometimes discouraged, and sometimes discouraged, and sometimes having little faith. But as long as we are willing to give all that we have, God will do the rest. As long as we are willing to surrender them completely, God will multiply what faith and talents we have to equip us with more than we need to bless those around us."

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The upper room message reminded me of the song by Corrine May titled 5 loaves and 2 fishes.

The song  described the event which Jesus fed 5 thousands with 5 loaves and 2 fishes. The 5 loaves and 2 fishes were given by a little boy, and Jesus used what little that was given to perform a miracle.

One of the stanza goes:

I often think about that boy, when I'm feeling small.

And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all.

But every single tear I cried is a diamond in His hand,

And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer.

So I'll give you every breadth that I have,

Oh God, You can work miracles,

All that you need is my "Amen"

You can read the full lyrics here.

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/c/corrinne+may/five+loaves+and+two+fishes_20758906.html

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We think God is telling us that we shouldn't worry about how much we have to give, because He will multiply whatever we have, to bless others greatly.

Indeed, we often worried whether we are doing God's work enough. Our cell leader told us that the root word of "serving" God was actually referring to "walking along side God". If our walk with Him is good enough, we will be serving him willingly and unconsciously.

(EDIT: for the second last paragraph, it ought to read "shouldn't worry". Have changed it.)

Birthday

Today would have been Charlene 4th birthday.

It's funny how we "celebrate" her birthday when she's no longer around... but it feel like the right thing to do. We went to the niche straight after lunch. We didn't know what we would be doing there, so we just bought a balloon so that we can place it beside her photo.

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Balloon was a gift that Charlene received often during 3 of her birthday parties. Big ones, or small ones.... We were never sure whether she can see them, but we often tie the balloon to her bed, so that it wobble around her. We remember the big balloon that Rusyini and Thomas bought for her 2nd birthday party at our church cell.

That birthday party was something that Charlene was really happy about... she was positively smiling and glowing throughout the session. She enjoys being around with people, she would listen to people talk and be very gossipy.

We are glad that we spent the effort and energy to organise the birthday parties for her. It was always difficult to plan the birthday parties, because there are planning considerations. We frequently wonder the purpose of the parties... will Charlene like it? Will she be tired out by the events? Who should we invite? Will we enjoy the events?

Looking back, some of the Charlene's best moments were at those birthday parties... where people gathered specially to celebrate God's gift to us. We thank our friends from our churches, university and Rainbow who took time to come and celebrate the event with us.

Those were precious memories.

We missed her.
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We stood by the niche quietly. Both of us didn't say much, except for the occasional tears. Finally, we prayed in front of the niche. The prayer goes something like this:

"Father, we thank You for giving Charlene to us, so that we were parents to this special girl. We are thankful for the lessons we learned through her, the little joyous moments that we shared with her and the people around her, and even the occasional painful and anxious moments... all these moments define our life with Charlene. Lord, we thank you that she is with you in heaven, and that she's in a happier and better place. We pray that You give us the strength to continue down the path You have set for us, and to give us the wisdom to know what to do with our lives. So that both You and Charlene will be proud of us. Amen."

We went home and have a typical Sunday afternoon. Though we still cry and miss our precious girl, we will continue moving forward by the strength of God.

Called to be the light of the world

Philippians 2: 12-18

As I read this, I found a sermon online titled "Called to be the light of the world"

We have a 4-fold call or responsibility to light.

1. Call to come to the light
2. Receive the light
3. Walk in the light 
4. Reflect the light (which is what Philippians 2:12-18 was telling us to do) 

The sermon also has quotes which I liked.... 

Our lives should be live that reflect something different than what the world has, because quite simply we have something that the world does not have, Jesus. 

The call can be summarized this way: 

If you in the darkness come to the light. If you are saved, make a difference in the darkness. 

Special children are born to special people

A friend sent me a link to this article at Mr Brown's blog and today I saw it in yahoo newsroom. (strangers-at-s-pore-cafe-pay-for-family-child-who-has-autism).

It is heartwarming. Also, in my opinion it does seem that there is an increase in awareness of the special needs community through the collective efforts of many different organisations, schools etc.

Some of the events that I remember are:-

1. Rainbow School's annual carnival last Sat.

2. Coming up this weekend, St John St Mary's church is having the first Awareness Weekend on special needs.

Dates: 19 & 20 Oct
Time: Sat 5pm, Sun 815 & 1115am
For those bringing special needs children, Sat's service is designed to cater to the special needs children.

3. On 15 Nov, there will also be a performance put together by volunteers for the special needs children to enjoy and also for fundraising.

4. And thanks to kind souls, this year Christmas party for the special needs children that I know (in support group) have already been paid for (the location, the food, the presents).

Keep it up Singapore!
Who say we are the least emotional nation in the world?

Journey of Faith (Dez)

This devotional para describes Nathan's stewards' and our journey of faith succintly.

When the problems and pains of life challenge our faith, we pray that God will bring us the relief we desire. And may our faith increases so that we can declare "Even if God doesn't answer the way I would prefer, my faith is in my God." (quoted from Upper Room Oct 3rd)

Stewards of Nathan

Dez and I have arranged to meet up with Nathan's parents. Nathan went to heaven in July; he was only 131 days old.

I have kept in contact with Nathan's mum through whatsapp, praying for them and sending words of support. We know it must be tough for them... we have been through similar situation before (not the same situation, as their Nathan was much younger than Charlene, and the pain that they felt would be very different from us).

We met at 3pm and chatted for about 2 hours. The two families shared our journeys of faith - the hurtful and insensitive words we have heard, the trials we have endured, the lessons we have learnt... it wasn't deliberate sharing, we just talked whatever that came to our mind. But through the snippets of conversation, it was clear that our journeys were similar.

It was obvious that they still missed Nathan. Dez and I still missed Charlene too, and we cried occasionally as we think of her.

Amazingly, Nathan's parents came to the same conclusions as we had. Little children belong to God, and as parents, we are merely stewards of the children for their earthly time. When Nathan and Charlene went back to heaven, they returned back to the Heavenly Father. We did not "lose" them, as we are only stewards on behalf of our Father.

All of us agree that this realisation of truth helps cushion the pain.

We hope to continue to keep in contact with Nathan's stewards... and we will pray that God bless them richly with health, peace and love.

Car and Child (Dez)

I am moving to a new work place, which is a considerable distance from my home. A lot of my colleagues encouraged me to consider buying a car.

While I am seriously considering that option, I am also reluctant to spend a large part of my savings on a car. I explained to them that while my wife is working now, we are still thinking of whether we want to have a child.

If we do have a child, my wife would stop working to take care of the child.

When I said that, many people blurted out, "But why?"

I find it very difficult to explain to people that if we do become parents, we want to focus our time on our child. I personally think that it's fair that my wife will be able to spend quality time with our child, instead of getting her to work at the same time.

Considering that she gave up her work for 3.5 years for Charlene, we both agree that she would love it to take care of a child herself, if we give ourselves a second chance.

How do I explain it to people that we would want to make up for time for a lost child? In fact, if I have the financial capability, I would want to stay home and help too.

Having said all that, the car and the child is not a mutually exclusive decision. We can still have a car and a child; only our finances will be hurt.

But we trust in God to provide for us, which He has always done so. Praise God for His providence!

Project Soar

Recycled milk bottles transformed!

A meaningful event where special needs children made these wonderful art pieces from recycled milk bottles. I liked what the organiser Khor said very much. The milk bottles are supposed to be thrown away but with effort they were transformed into beautiful art pieces. Similarly, special needs children may look useless but there is the potential within each of them! Let us believe in them and help create a more accepting society for them.

Save neira

A 3.5 month old baby is found with THREE tumors.

http://saveneira.wordpress.com/2013/09/21/your-help-is-appreciated/

One of the special needs parents went down to the hospital, and verified the case. So this is a future true case.

Let's pray for neira, for recovery and successful operations.

Stanley

Stanley, one of the most respected lay-leader in our church, passed away on Fri morning. He has been battling cancer for the past few years. He was only 51 years-old.

Me and Dez had only known him for a very short time. When we joined church, we were unable to be engaged in the church activities due to Charlene's condition. After we became more active in church activities, Uncle Stanley had to stepped down from his worship and youth ministry work due to the chemo, and we didn't have many opportunities to interact with him.

The greatest impression we had about him is the immense energy he exhibited during the worship that he leads. He is always bursting with joy as he give praise to the Lord.

His eulogies were given by his former girl's brigade mentee, his 2 nieces and his cell leader. From all accounts, he has been a faithful servant, giving all his best in the ministry work, and changing lives through his passion and Christ-centred life.

The impact he had on those Boys Brigade and Girls Brigade youth is visible from their tears and sorrow.

To me, Stanley's life can be summed up by one of my fave verse. He "live such good lives...they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us" (1 Pet 2:12). Indeed, he's a role model for our church members.

It's unfortunate that we didn't have the chance to know him better.... Correction, it *is fortunate* that we have a chance to talk to him and visit him. Stanley spoke to Dez during the church camp, and his words prompted Dez to release the grief of Charlene's passing away.

Death is inevitable. But for us Christians, we have the hope that we will all gather in heaven, under the throne of our Lord Jesus Christ. Until then, we take heart that Charlene can say hi to Uncle Stanley for us in heaven.

Faith and Reason (Dez)

One thing that scares and worries me, is the tendency for youths to dichotomize faith and reason. I have seen youths declaring that "those who believe in God are irrational and stupid!".

A theologian professor, Arthur McGrath, talks about his personal experience: "On several occasions I've been earnestly told by New Atheist foot soldiers that I have no business being a professor in a leading British university. After all, they inform me, I believe in God and am therefore stupid, evil and mentally unstable. I ought to be locked up for the public good."

The dichotomy between faith and reason is not as clear cut as the new atheists like to think. All reason requires some basic assumptions, which the assumptions are accepted "by faith". All good faith should examined the evidences, so that the faith becomes stronger.

An atheist philosopher Keith M. Pardons commented that 'a dichotomy between faith and evidence is grossly simplistic. Faith need not be blind and science is not always quite as evidence-driven as simplistic stereotypes imply.'

J.P. Moreland explains the relationship between faith and reason clearly:
"The essence of faith - biblical or otherwise - is confidence or trust, and one can have faith in a thing (such as a chair) or person (such as a parent, the president, or God), and one can have faith in the truth of a proposition...

When trust is directed towards a person/ thing, it is called 'faith in'; when it is directed towards the truth of a proposition, it is called 'faith that'...

It is a great misunderstanding of faith to oppose it to reason or knowledge. Nothing could be further from the truth. In actual fact, faith - confidence, trust - is rooted in knowledge. "

Moreland concluded that faith is 'a trust in and commitment to what we have reason to believe is true'.

I believe it's important for us to examine our faith, and to have a ready testimony to share with others WHY we believe in Jesus Christ. Explain to people, youths or adults, that there is a rational basis why we are Christians.

One of my fave verse: 1 Pet 3:15. "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect"

* Note: the quotes are obtained from this book "C.S. Lewis vs the New Atheists", written by Peter S. Williams. A very good book, with lots of resources and references. Recommended to those apologetics at heart (like me ^_^v)

2.4 Hours (Dez)

This is a daily devotional (4 Sep) from the Upper Room.

I found it very thought provoking and decided to put it up.

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Many people are sticklers about tithing a tenth of their income, but tithing includes more than just our money. Sometimes, when it comes to time, we aren't so generous in giving to the Lord.

A tenth of our day is just under two an a half hours - 2.4 to be exact.

When we think of all the things we already cram into our day, it may seem impossible to give that much time to God. The good news is that our tithe of time doesn't have to be spent all at once. We can give more time on weekends, if necessary. We can do a variety of things as we tithe our time to God each day: study the Bible, pray for others, call someone, send an encouraging e-mail, send a card to brighten someone's day, fix a meal for the sick, visit the housebound, bake cookies for a neighbor, be a mentor to a young person who doesn't have both parents, bring groceries to a needy family, take a depressed friend out for coffee, or listen to a friend unload his problems.

Once these activities becomes habits, we might be surprised to find that a tenth of our day just isn't enough time to serve God.
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Reflections questions:

-read Deuteronomy 14:22-28. In this passage, what is the purpose of the tithe? How are tithes used? How does this passage change or support your understand of tithing?
- Name some ways you already contributed towards "tithing your time."
Did the author's list bring other ways to mind?

Nick Vujcic

Nick Vujcic is in Singapore to give a speech. For those who don't know him, he is known as the motivational speaker who was born without hands and legs.

Despite his physical limitations, he was able to live life without limits. He can play golf, soccer and he has scuba dive, swim, horse ride, surf (surfing real waves) and sky dive! In Singapore, he went to the RWS sea aquarium and and swam with the sharks.

But more than his achievements, it's his positive attitude towards life that inspires people. He has a huge charming smile, full of confidence. He joked about his lack of limbs, defusing the situation. You really have to google him and watch his video to see how amazing he is.

Knowing that he was coming to Singapore, we bought the tickets on the first night. Being cheapos, we bought the cheapest tickets at $33 each. We later found out that all 5000 tickets were sold in 5 days. The most expensive was sold at $148, if I remember correctly.

The venue was at The Star, the Building besides buona vista mrt. The hall was amazing, being able to accommodate 5000 people. The building was also well designed, with a lot of considerations about the crowd traffic. I didn't have to queue for toilet after the event as there were so many cubicles!

Hearing Nick Vujcic, allows us to catch a glimpse of him as an individual. We know his story well as we bought the books. But nothing beats seeing the actual person and seeing him recounting his stories, and how his faith saved him.

One quote which we remembered clearly is: "The strength we have today was build on the pain of yesterday". Indeed, we have been through much trials... But we know that God is with us. This knowledge allows us to be reassured that these trials won't beat us down, and we can be a stronger person to do God's will.

There was an extremely short Q&A session where someone asked about how to motivate a youth who has lost interest in studying. Nick answered that the current youth generation believes in YOLO (you-only-live-once). With that YOLO attitude, they then only prioritise on enjoying themselves. School, to them becomes only a burden as they see no point in studying when everyone dies. He then suggest that youths need to realize how much they have, and how much they can contribute to the less fortunate (orphans, cancer patients, etc). A lot of times, he has seen youths being inspired by those less fortunate as they fight hard in their life.

Though he did talk very little about his Christian faith, we could tell that his faith in God prompted him to answer the question in that manner. As we Christians believe in a greater Being, a greater Purpose, we want to live life in accordance to God's will. Knowing that life has meaning can change our perspective towards our trials and tribulations.

In the final section, the host invited Jason Chee (the navy personnel who lost his legs and left hand in an accident) and Aisha (an ex SEA games medalist who lost all her limbs due to infection). I think that they intended to give the 2 Singaporeans hope for a better future through nick as a role model.

God has shown us how He can use a man without limbs mightily, to inspire millions of people. Praise be to God!

White Manta - Special Needs children cruise (Dez)

31st August was a special day for me and my wife.

We were invited to go on a cruise. A specially booked cruise, by one of the special needs mum, Sam, for a afternoon outing for special needs children family.

As we indicated our interest late, we almost didn't make it for the cruise. I was also rushing out some work over the weekend, and was considering not to go.

Fortunately, I decided to make the effort. It was a very pleasant journey. Me and my wife agreed that it's probably once in a life-time experience, for us middle-income family, to be able to on a private cruise ship, White Manta.

If I remembered correctly, 10 families went for the gathering. This was my first time meeting many of those families. All (except us) brought their kids along for the event.

I volunteered to be the camera-man, and I went around snapping pictures with my wife's new camera phone HTC One and some mummy's compact camera. Thank God for my wife's new HTC one cos the pictures turn out very nice! The pictures in this blog were all taken by HTC one. Will need to download it and send to Sam...

The cruise ship was huge, with 3 decks. The top deck was like an open-top bus, but much bigger. You can see part of the top deck, on the photo on the left. There are many lounge chairs around, and benches at the side.

The middle deck was where we hang out, with a nice air-conditioned cabin. I don't have the pictures of the cabin on the HTC one, as those were taken by the compact camera.

One of the highlight of the day was the release of balloons. One family actually brought a helium tank so that we can fill up the balloons. All the families then wrote down the blessings and wishes on the balloons. We then released the balloons and see it rise into the air... Of course, as Christians, we believe our prayers are heard by Jesus anywhere. Nonetheless, the symbolic act of seeing the balloons rising up... was very therapeutic.

The kids have a fun time running around on the top deck, playing with the balloons and enjoying the sea breeze. The families also prepared some games, in which the children need to burst the balloons, perform some tasks and get some prizes. You can see the families generally enjoying themselves. The organiser was also thoughtful enough to get a nurse on board of the ship, so that the special needs family can have a peace of mind.

Dinner was served by the cruise crew. Apparently they have a kitchen on the lower deck, and they served delicious fried chicken wings, satay, bee hoon, apple pie among others. The families also brought food, with a chef father bringing delicious sandwiches (which I chomped down before dinner since i was sooo hungry).

We brought 2x bottles of moscato and went around pouring wine for others. Many of us also chit-chatted, though mostly we were just enjoying the scenery and the sea breeze. Or maybe it's just me, cos i was going around snapping pictures of everyone.

At the end of the day, the cruise ship director/ CEO/ boss made a short speech. He felt that God has planned for all this cruise to happen, as many coincidences happened. Normally the cruise was fully booked, but just the weekend, they were unable to get sufficient clients. Normally, he would be overseas, but somehow or rather, he was available locally. Normally, he do not need to be present on the ship, but the main coordinator went on leave, and he have to take over. He gave a prayer to all the families present, praying for God's healing and strength for all of us.

Tears were rolling down me and my wife's eyes when he prayed. Not specifically because of the prayer, but because we felt that the guy was really genuine in his speech, and that he felt blessed seeing the special needs family, and he saw strength and resilience in us. We sense the sincerity in his speech.


We thank God for the special day that we have as a community of special needs kids. I am reminded of Charlene when I see the kids. Their struggles, their progress, their smiles, their strength.... They remind me of Charlene.

Though I get teary eyed when I'm with this community, I would not want to be cut off from them. It is through Charlene that we know them. Me and my wife understand the difficulties they are going, the pain they are enduring, and the little triumphs in their daily lives... we recognise those things and we want to affirm them.

Thank you Lord Jesus... for giving each and everyone of us the strength, and the purpose-filled lives for us to keep on walking down this journey.

One of the balloon blessings - "All families have, despite challenges, can have strength, peace and joy! Rose & family"

I am the Child (poem)

I AM THE CHILD                                                                                                               (Author Unknown)
I am the child who cannot talk.
You often pity me, I see it in your eyes.
You wonder how much I am aware of -- I see that as well.
I am aware of much, whether you are happy or sad or fearful,
patient or impatient, full of love and desire,
or if you are just doing your duty by me.
I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater,
for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.

You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times.
I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated.
I do not give you answers to your everyday questions,
responses over my well-being, sharing my needs,
or comments about the world about me.

I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards -- great strides in
development that you can credit yourself;
  I do not give you understanding as you know it.
What I give you is so much more valuable -- I give you instead opportunities.
Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine;
the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, your abilities;
the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible.
I drive you further than you would ever go on your own, working harder,
seeking answers to your many questions with no answers.
I am the child who cannot talk.

I am the child who cannot walk.
The world seems to pass me by.
You see the longing in my eyes to get out of this chair, to run and play like other children.
There is much you take for granted.
I want the toys on the shelf, I need to go to the bathroom, oh I've dropped my fork again.
I am dependent on you in these ways.
My gift to you is to make you more aware of your great fortune,
your healthy back and legs, your ability to do for yourself.
Sometimes people appear not to notice me; I always notice them.
I feel not so much envy as desire, desire to stand upright,
to put one foot in front of the other, to be independent.
I give you awareness.
I am the child who cannot walk.

I am the child who is mentally impaired.
I don't learn easily, if you judge me by the world's measuring stick,
what I do know is infinite joy in simple things.
I am not burdened as you are with the strife's and conflicts of a more complicated life.
My gift to you is to grant you the freedom to enjoy things as a child,
to teach you how much your arms around me mean, to give you love.
I give you the gift of simplicity.
I am the child who is mentally impaired.

I am the disabled child.
I am your teacher. If you allow me,
I will teach you what is really important in life.
I will give you and teach you unconditional love.
I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you.
I teach you about how precious this life is and about not taking things for granted.
I teach you about forgetting your own needs and desires and dreams.
I teach you giving.
Most of all I teach you hope and faith.
I am the disabled child.